Issue 36

September 7, 2024

3 Questions to Ask Before You Give Feedback

Throughout my career in software engineering, I’ve learned invaluable lessons about feedback. I’ve gained insight from mistakes I’ve made. And I've embraced advice from leaders.

There are right ways and wrong ways to give and receive feedback. Since feedback depends on the person and circumstance, there is no one-size-fits-all. But like most things, it gets easier with practice. And being able to give effective feedback can turn you into a difference-making teammate and leader.

I want to share my insights on feedback, starting with how to give it. Before you give feedback, you need to think about its delivery. Let’s get started.

Helpful feedback starts with the delivery. Determining when and where is the first step in delivering productive feedback. But when and where is the best time and place? That depends on a couple of factors. Answering these questions first can help you figure that out:

1. Is this feedback positive or constructive?
2. Do I need to share this feedback immediately?
3. What’s their preference for feedback?

Let’s dive into these questions one by one.

Is this feedback positive or constructive?

Positive feedback

Positive feedback is praise. It makes people feel good. This feedback can be delivered at various times and places. Sometimes it’s best to give it right away. Other times it can wait. It can be offered publicly. And it can also be delivered privately.

This type of feedback is more flexible and easier to give because it’s positive. If you’re wondering whether the feedback is positive, ask yourself this question:

If the answer is yes, it’s positive feedback. Otherwise, consider it constructive feedback.

Constructive feedback

The other common type of feedback is described as constructive or critical. This feedback aims to correct or improve someone’s behavior or skills. This can be hard to deliver and receive. And it should almost always be given privately.

It’s hard to get the timing and execution right for critical feedback. Think about the weight of the feedback and the person receiving it. This will help you decide the ideal time and location to give the feedback.

Do I need to share this feedback immediately?

Immediate feedback

Most feedback doesn’t need to be shared right away. But there are situations when this is the only or best time.

Constructive feedback is usually reserved for private conversations. However, sometimes it needs to be public.

Did someone say or do something inappropriate? Did the behavior cause another team member to feel threatened or uncomfortable? These are times when you should strongly consider giving immediate feedback. This lets the person know you’re not okay with their actions. And this also shows your team that you care about their well-being.

Waiting to give this feedback not only sends the message that you condone the behavior, but it can erode team morale and their trust in you as a leader.

Sometimes it’s best to give positive feedback immediately. Did your co-worker finish a major project? Did your teammate achieve a goal? Did your colleague just give a presentation? In these cases, the best time for feedback might be the present.

Delayed feedback

The advantage of delayed feedback is that you have more time to prepare. I don’t advise sitting on feedback for weeks or months, especially if it’s critical. But take the time you need to deliver effective feedback, even if that means waiting until your next private conversation.

After you acknowledge that the feedback can wait, you can focus on the ideal setting. Every person you work with is different. Some might prefer written feedback. Others might like face-to-face feedback. Knowing this will help you create a conducive environment for sharing and accepting feedback.

What’s their preference for feedback?

Before you give someone feedback, make sure you know how they prefer to receive feedback. When possible, their preferences should be respected and prioritized.

If you’re a manager, ask your direct reports the following question when you begin managing them.

How do you like to receive feedback?

Their answer should reveal a set of preferred conditions:

• Morning vs afternoon
• Async vs in-person
• Written vs verbal
• Email vs message
• Public vs private

Listen for the details. And ask follow-up questions if necessary. Also, share your preferences so your reports know how to give you feedback.

If you’re an individual contributor, bring this topic up with your manager so they can better support you.

And if you’re giving feedback to a peer, just ask them. Like this:

You might feel awkward saying this, but remember. Giving feedback is not about you – it’s about them.

Learning how to give feedback can take time, trust, and vulnerability. But after you learn it, your career can grow exponentially. You’ll gain the trust and respect of your team. And you’ll be doing something all successful leaders do.

Now you have some insight into feedback delivery. Next up, I’ll tell you about feedback details.

Thanks for reading this week. See you next week! 👋

David Weiss Founder • Made by DW ​Follow me on X, LinkedIn, & Instagram​

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