Issue 32

August 6, 2024

Ask For What You Want

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my career. A few of them stand out from the rest. And they were preventable. I want to tell you about some of these mistakes so you can avoid them.

One of the biggest mistakes I made was not asking for what I wanted. Today I want to share what I’ve learned from this and my advice for you.

What I did wrong

Many times in my career I stayed silent when I shouldn’t have. And I regret it.

Humans aren’t mind readers. You might think your manager knows what you want. And you might assume your co-workers know what you’re thinking. But unless you tell them, they won’t know.

Poor communication is the root of most problems in the workplace. It leads to incorrect assumptions and unrealistic expectations. And those things can destroy team health and progress. They can also wreak havoc on your career.

I didn’t advocate for myself

In several of my jobs, I failed to ask for more responsibilities. I didn’t ask for a promotion or a new role when I wanted one. I assumed this would happen if I stayed at a company long enough. In hindsight, my career would’ve looked very different had I spoken up.

I thought my managers and co-workers would always have my back. I relied on them to make the case for me to advance in my career. The truth is that most people focus on their agenda, not someone else’s.

I didn’t consider the impact of projects on my career and health

The projects you work on impact your mental health. They can also determine whether you sharpen existing skills or learn new ones. I didn’t consider this enough during my career. At times, I accepted new work without asking questions about it or even considering if it was right for me.

There are times to stay in your comfort zone and other times to break out of it. When your mental health is weak, that’s the wrong time to seek challenges at work. Yet, when you’re firing on all cylinders, you can afford to take risks.

I wish I had spoken up before starting certain projects. There were times I said yes to more work when I was on the verge of burning out.

I realize that you can’t always pick and choose what you work on. But when there’s a choice, consider the project’s impact on your career and well-being.

I didn’t share my thoughts on team practices

“This meeting could’ve been a Slack chat.”

“We can improve our process by changing this.”

“We can prevent this from happening again by doing this.”

These are some of the phrases I wish I had said in previous jobs. Sometimes I felt too junior. Other times I didn’t want to contradict a lead developer. Every time I failed to communicate how I felt.

When I remember the best teams I’ve worked on, they have one thing in common. I always felt comfortable speaking my mind. I wasn’t afraid of judgment or punishment. I didn’t think my teammates would laugh or roll their eyes at me. There was an open feedback policy when it came to team rituals. And you were welcome to share your ideas for improving them.

What you can do right

I know it’s easier said than done, but speak up when you want something for you and your team. This increases the chances of getting what you ask for. And it sends a message to your team that you value open communication.

Be your biggest hype person

Don’t rely on anyone else to get you that raise or promotion. Don’t expect others to put in a good word for you. Keep track of your wins, big and small. Give examples of how you’ve surpassed your goals. Detail obstacles you’ve overcome and problems you’ve solved.

No one knows how far you’ve come better than you.

Treat your job (and career) like a marathon, not a sprint

It might feel like you’re being the best employee when you say yes to everything. But at what cost? Marathon runners don’t sprint the entire race. They conserve and track their energy throughout the race.

It’s okay to say no to things, especially when those things can be a detriment to your career or mental wellness. No project deadline is worth unpaid overtime or burnout. And challenges when you’re not ready for them can do more harm than good.

Be confident when you say yes and no at work. If you’re making a healthy decision, your team should support it. Look beyond the current project. Keep your quarterly and yearly goals in sight.

Embrace feedback

If you think a meeting is unnecessary, you’re probably not alone. And if you feel like a process is taking too long, I bet others agree with you.

Don’t expect things to change on their own. Champion the change you want to see at work.

Give honest feedback when you agree or disagree with something. And keep an open mind when your teammates do the same. Teams that embrace feedback (and change) work better together.

I understand that not everyone is an extrovert like me. For some of you, the idea of speaking your mind might induce anxiety. You might be thinking, 'I don’t want to ask for any of this.’

Asking for what you want takes practice and time. It won’t happen overnight. But if you start standing up for yourself and your team today, it'll be easier next month. And even easier the following month.

When you look back on your career, I hope you have fewer regrets than I do. Be vocal about your wants and needs. I can’t guarantee you won’t make mistakes, but I'm confident you’ll prevent some.

Thanks for reading this week. See you next week! 👋

David Weiss Founder • Made by DW ​Follow me on X, LinkedIn, & Instagram​

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